A little over a year ago, I wanted to test the blogging waters and decided to start my own site. I had all these ideas and good intentions of wanting to put something out every single day. I wanted to go out and try new things, visit new places, and come back and write it all out for you all to read. It was a good idea at the time, but then things started going south and the blog never flourished like I had intended it to.
As much as I wanted to go out and do all these wonderful new things, realistically I did not have the time or the money to be doing that. Being a single mother, I knew I had to put everything else before my little dream. And I am not necessarily just talking about my son; I’m talking about my bills and my responsibility to find someone to watch him while I went off and did these things. It just wasn’t playing out the way I had intended for it to.
It got down to me just being completely overwhelmed with everything. I was so stressed out and depressed, and I didn’t want to tell anyone. It was kind of ironic; because I am always the one reaching out to make sure everyone else is doing fine. But when it came to caring for myself, and trying to seek help, I was silent. Everyone has always told me how amazing it was that I was living on my own and supporting myself and my son. I felt like I had some sort of silly reputation to uphold or something; like I had to prove that I was capable of taking care of myself and my son. All of that lead to me just being so anxious, stressed out, and always in a bad mood.
I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I avoided being home and kept trying to do all these different projects outside of my full time job (crafting, photography, blogging, youtube) to keep me distracted from all the more important responsibilities I had. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but if I’m going to be honest, I have been doing it all my life. I distract myself with something to try and forget about the reality that I have waiting for me. I’ve always put things off or thought if I didn’t address them, they would just simply go away. It’s not the most adult thing to do, but it’s who I am as a person.
But I am in a much better place now, mentally and emotionally. I finally reached my peak of what I could handle and asked for help. It’s not easy for me to ask for help, or to admit when I am wrong. I blame my astrological sign (Taurus) because I am the most stubborn person and fall perfectly into the personality of my sign. I am going to try to be more active on the blog and also will try to post more youtube content since people seem to be enjoying my videos.
So here’s to 2017 (4 months late, I know). Thank you all for your patience, and for taking the time to read my little essay.