This is Exhausting 

“This could be the end of everything, so why don’t we go, somewhere only we know.”
It seems that in our lives we allow in only a certain number of people to truly see us in our most vulnerable state of minds. We categorize those people as our best friends, significant others, and our family. But what do we do when that specific relationship is no longer benefiting our well-being? Do we walk away from years of commitment and hard work? Or do we stay, and constantly try to make things work, knowing that things are not the same as they were?

I feel like for the last year or two I have been struggling with walking away from a friendship with someone who I came to consider as one of my closest, if not the closest friend in my life. This person was there for me through some of the biggest chapters in my life, and I was there for some of theirs. We did so much together and were constantly in contact with each other on a daily basis.

But, like most friendships, we got busy in our lives and started to drift apart. It wasn’t so much the drifting apart that bothered me; it was the one way street I was put on trying to get in touch with them. There were always rain checks and excuses, and silence for months on end. Each time I told myself this would be the last time I would attempt to reconnect, but then they would show up to some social gathering and act like nothing had happened. It would bother me, but to be truthful I was just happy to see them again. I would be so angry and hurt at their behavior, but once we started talking I would realize how much I had missed them and wanted to fill them in on everything that was going on. But once we parted ways, I was put back on that one lane highway in our relationship.

I’ve decided that I’m getting off the highway. It seems that my effort is not enough for this person, and I’m really just exhausted from continuously trying. It’s been pretty apparent for the past year and I think I have just accepted that, it is what it is. I cannot force things upon anyone or try to coax them into wanting to be in my life. I can reminisce on the good times we shared, and I will always keep those memories close to my heart. But for now, it’s time to say goodbye.

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