Holding On

When I was pregnant with Adam, I told myself I wouldn’t be the type of mother to let her kid sleep in their parents bed till the age of 10. When we brought him home from the hospital, the first night I put him right in his crib. When he woke up to eat that night, I brought him to the bed to feed him and fell asleep with him in my lap once he was done. After that night, I would bring him to the bed just to sleep next to him.

Once we moved to our next apartment, he got his own room and I got my bed back. We did really well, but I would still bring him to the bed from time to time. It was nice just having my baby sleeping next to me. When he got his “big boy” bed, he wanted to sleep with me less and less, and I was okay with that. Frankly I got tired of him taking up 90% of my King sized bed. Seriously, how do 3ft tall kids do that?

Since we moved into my moms house, Adam sleeps in his own room upstairs and I have the downstairs area to myself. I have gotten used to not sharing my bed with him and I enjoy not being kicked in the head throughout the night.

Recently, Adam has been asking to sleep in my bed. I know he mostly does it because I have Netflix and he enjoys the shows on there. I find myself becoming annoyed when he asks, but I give in and allow him to sleepover for the night. But tonight I told him he would have to sleep in his bed since I have to get ready to leave for San Diego in the morning. He was disappointed, but he said okay and went to sleep in his room.

About an hour later I was watching an episode of Black Mirror, and in the episode the mother was playing hide and seek with her 3 year old daughter. It just made me think; Adam won’t be young forever and rather than be selfish and want the bed to myself, I’d much rather spend time with him and watch movies. So I creeped upstairs, luckily he was still awake, and told him to come sleep in my room. He was so happy, he just jumped up and down. It made me smile.

Anywho, the moral to my long ass story is finally coming…hang on to the time you have with your kids. We remember our lives before being parents, but we’ve been in their lives from the beginning. They don’t know anything else. I want him to grow up remembering all the little things we did, and hopefully just the simple watching movies in bed will stick with him as good memories.

It will stick with me for the rest of my life.

Why I Quit My Job


I think I wrote last month that my work place was going through some changes, but here’s a recap. Basically my department was going to transition into being run by another company, not strange in the medical field I guess, but it was scary. We had heard rumors from the beginning that we would be laid off, but the big head execs reassured us that NOBODY was being let go. Well fast forward to early November, and they laid off about 15 of us. The whole thing was horrible since we all assumed we were transitioning to the new company together. The blatant lies coming from our CEO, HR, and other supervisors was so unprofessional and the whole process was handled so poorly.

I was one of the lucky ones to keep my job, although they had made it very apparent that my position was not needed and I got the feeling they would eventually get rid of me. I took it as a sign I needed to just bide my time and start looking for work elsewhere. I was willing to do just that and stick it out for as long as I could. In reality, I just needed to wait it out until August since my son was going to the daycare on site and would be starting Kindergarten in August. That was the ONLY reason I was going to wait it out, I had nobody else to watch him and the daycare was so close.

Well the week before D-day (we were officially switching over January 1st) the company decided to implement a new program throughout the whole hospital. This was their selling point, that it would make the nurses and pharmacists lives so much easier. Well, needless to say things did not go swimmingly. They had no communication with the hospital about when this program was going to go live, and the day it did everyone was confused. So, they tried to blame me. They said that because I did not send out the meeting minutes from the previous week (day before Christmas weekend), that it was my fault their was no communication between the nursing staff and pharmacy.

I just looked at him and explained that this is not my area of expertise and normally the director (his position) or whoever was heading the program would send out an email to the staff letting them know what was going to happen. I had no idea how the program worked and my meeting minutes are only sent internally to our department, it is not used as a memo to the entire hospital. He just looked at me and said “No, the communication issue is because you didn’t send out the minutes. That’s why this is going so badly.”

So, after talking it over with my mom, I cleaned out my desk and told my coworkers that the following day would be my last. I was not going to be their scapegoat for the next 8 months and put my wellbeing at jeopard. Luckily for me, since we were no longer a part of the hospital and were technically being “laid off” on December 31st, I just said I wasn’t transitioning and was labeled as being laid off. I left my notice on their desks along with my badges Friday afternoon. They didnt see it until Tuesday morning, and I gotta admit I did feel kind of badass just walking out of there. It was my little f*ck you to them for treating us so poorly those last few months.

Now I am just focusing on spending time with Adam and hopefully going to get back into school. I would love for this year to be a turning point in my photography career but I am leaving that up to the big man upstairs. My coworker told me he was happy I was sticking up for myself (he was one of the ones to be let go in November) and he said that when things like this happen, it always turns out for the better. So I have to hold on to that hope that something good will come out of this.

2018 will be a year of positive growth. I just know it.


“Typical” Day in my Life

Have you ever watched those “morning routine” or “day in my life” videos on Youtube? The person always looks so well rested, and they get to take their time doing all these morning activities. Now, imagine if the average Jane (like myself) tried to do a “morning routine” video. Yeah, that probably wouldn’t look so glamourous…especially because I look like something straight out of The Walking Dead in the morning.

Also, it would probably be very boring, since my daily life is not so interesting. Let me give you a breakdown of how my day goes ( if I wake up on time):

6am: Wake up

6:10am: Get out of bed and let the dog out to do his business.

6:15am: Brush teeth & wash face

6:20am: Apply Makeup

6:35am: Get dressed

6:40am: Warm up car, wake up Adam, dress Adam

6:50am: Leave for work

7:15am: Drop Adam off at school

7:30am: Clock in for work

3:30pm-4pm: Clock out of work

4:30pm-4:45pm: Arrive at home

5pm: Go to the Gym

6pm: Come home & eat dinner

7pm: Shower

8pm: Watch TV

9pm: Put Adam to bed

9:30pm-11pm: Watch TV/ Read a book/ Instagram Like Sprees

11:15pm: Go to sleep

Not so entertaining right? But, that is my life Monday through Friday. Maybe one day it will be a little more interesting (I can only hope), but for now I am okay with it. What does your typical day look like? Are you out traveling the world? Or maybe a stay at home mom? I’d love to hear some stories!

Hey, Is This Thing On?

Well hello! Long time no see!

I see that it has been 6 months since my last post…I apologize. A lot has happened these last couple of months that have caused me to not have much time to do the things I love. To be honest, the reason why I decided to get back to blogging was because I had thought I was going to lose my job last month. To clarify, my work place is currently transitioning to a new company and my job status was n certain. Thankfully, I was not let go and am still working full time. But that whole experience caused me to really think about my life at the present moment.

Am I really content with working this 9-5 office job, or did I want to do something more? Sure, photography is my passion…but at this moment, I am not getting enough business to be able to quit my job. It’s just not as easy as I would like it to be. I really wish it was, but in reality I still have bills to pay and unless I win the lottery, or marry some rich man; I am stuck at my office job.

Well, stuck until i find something better. I will admit, I have been sending out applications to more creative companies (I have even applied for a few full time photographer positions). But, until then, here I am! Back to bring you all more content and pretend like I am interesting enough to keep you coming back for more. So here’s to a new month, a new day, and a semi-new beginning.

Thanks for reading.


Things Are Getting Dark & Twisty

I’ve gone to the dark place. I don’t exactly know how I got here, or why I’m here…but here I am. It’s a funny thing to try to explain; being in the dark place. One minute I feel just fine, but then it’s almost like in an instant I am sucked back into the darkest crevices of my mind. Simple tasks become so challenging, conversations become meaningless, my hobbies are tossed to the side, and sleep feels like a warm blanket that I just want to lay in forever.

This is what my depression feels like to me. Trying to explain to people exactly what is going on, feels as complicated as me trying to explain quantum physics (which I have no knowledge of). In fact it’s almost physically exhausting trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. Whenever someone asks “what’s wrong” and I respond with “I don’t know,” it’s not that I am being difficult or I don’t want to talk about it; I just really have no idea why I am in that mood.

I have some amazing friends who can easily spot the signs when I am in the dark place. What I need them to understand is I don’t always want to talk about it. It can be as simple as me just wanting to cry for hours; and I will, out of nowhere it seems. Often times when I say I just want to be alone, what I really want is to be around other people. But I won’t tell them that, it seems stupid and I don’t know why I don’t tell them. Sometimes I just simply need a hug, or just an “I am here for you.” It takes me time to open up and I honestly hate doing it because I feel like I am bothering them with my issues. To me I feel like I sound like I am just crying for attention, or that I am wasting their time by talking about it. I know I’m probably not and that they really want to help, but the dark place tells me otherwise.

I know I’ll get over it soon. It seems to be a trend around May when I start to reach the peak of what my depression has to offer, and then I slowly go back to being normal. I normally don’t spot the signs until I am already deep into it. It’s something that I live with every day and I can’t just “get over it,” and it has taken me years to get to this point where I can finally accept it for what it is and just try to live my life as best I can. So for now I will be in the dark place.

Thank you for understanding.

Photography Fun

I love taking days off and just spending them running around the city taking pictures. Usually I bring a friend along so they can model for me. They’re sometimes hesitant due to being “camera shy” but I coax them into doing it anyways.

My lovely friend Vanessa and I took a little trip to the Los Angeles Arboretum in Arcadia. We took a few photos of her niece for her 1st birthday, and then went on to take some more photos of just her and I. I love taking photos of her because she looks good on camera; and because she lets me boss her around. 

10 Things You Might Not Know About Me

  1. Strawberries are my favorite fruit
  2. I am a huge Potterhead
  3. New York is my favorite city that I have visited
  4. During high school, I was on the badminton team
  5. I have 2 pet pigs
  6. Hugh Grant was my MCM when I was a kid (and still is)
  7. My favorite food is Sushi
  8. I was bit on the face by a dog, on two separate occasions, requiring a total of 10 stitches
  9. For my 18th birthday, I sang “Maps” by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs in front of my entire senior class
  10. I used to write poetry and song lyrics