My Christmas Wish List

It is now the official countdown to Christmas, and with that comes the dreading holiday shopping and shopping wish lists to fulfill. I find it funny that we usually have an idea of what we would like to receive for Christmas, but when people ask us we are usually too shy to ask. To be honest, I don’t really expect anything specific for Christmas; I’m happy with anything I get from someone (as long as it’s not a lump of coal).

I think that I get more excited to shop for other people. I like to find unique gifts that the person wouldn’t think of or hadn’t asked for. I really try to pay attention to detail, especially when the person has brought up certain things they would like throughout the year; I am preparing a mental list all year long.

I can try to pretend I am not a materialistic gal, but let’s face it; we all are in some way or another. So I wanted to write a wish list of some things I would like for Christmas. I honestly don’t expect these things at all, but if anyone out there wants to get me one of these; you are more than welcomed to 😉

1. Loungefly Jack Skellington Backpack

2. Fujifilm Instax Wide

3. Apple iWatch

4. Lush Products

5. Things at Hot Topic

6. Checkered Vans

7. To the Stars merch

8. James Coffee Co / Peter McKinnon

9. Lauren Conrad stuff

10. Kate Spade purse

What are some things on your wish list? Let me know!

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“Typical” Day in my Life

Have you ever watched those “morning routine” or “day in my life” videos on Youtube? The person always looks so well rested, and they get to take their time doing all these morning activities. Now, imagine if the average Jane (like myself) tried to do a “morning routine” video. Yeah, that probably wouldn’t look so glamourous…especially because I look like something straight out of The Walking Dead in the morning.

Also, it would probably be very boring, since my daily life is not so interesting. Let me give you a breakdown of how my day goes ( if I wake up on time):

6am: Wake up

6:10am: Get out of bed and let the dog out to do his business.

6:15am: Brush teeth & wash face

6:20am: Apply Makeup

6:35am: Get dressed

6:40am: Warm up car, wake up Adam, dress Adam

6:50am: Leave for work

7:15am: Drop Adam off at school

7:30am: Clock in for work

3:30pm-4pm: Clock out of work

4:30pm-4:45pm: Arrive at home

5pm: Go to the Gym

6pm: Come home & eat dinner

7pm: Shower

8pm: Watch TV

9pm: Put Adam to bed

9:30pm-11pm: Watch TV/ Read a book/ Instagram Like Sprees

11:15pm: Go to sleep

Not so entertaining right? But, that is my life Monday through Friday. Maybe one day it will be a little more interesting (I can only hope), but for now I am okay with it. What does your typical day look like? Are you out traveling the world? Or maybe a stay at home mom? I’d love to hear some stories!

Hey, Is This Thing On?

Well hello! Long time no see!

I see that it has been 6 months since my last post…I apologize. A lot has happened these last couple of months that have caused me to not have much time to do the things I love. To be honest, the reason why I decided to get back to blogging was because I had thought I was going to lose my job last month. To clarify, my work place is currently transitioning to a new company and my job status was n certain. Thankfully, I was not let go and am still working full time. But that whole experience caused me to really think about my life at the present moment.

Am I really content with working this 9-5 office job, or did I want to do something more? Sure, photography is my passion…but at this moment, I am not getting enough business to be able to quit my job. It’s just not as easy as I would like it to be. I really wish it was, but in reality I still have bills to pay and unless I win the lottery, or marry some rich man; I am stuck at my office job.

Well, stuck until i find something better. I will admit, I have been sending out applications to more creative companies (I have even applied for a few full time photographer positions). But, until then, here I am! Back to bring you all more content and pretend like I am interesting enough to keep you coming back for more. So here’s to a new month, a new day, and a semi-new beginning.

Thanks for reading.

-Mel

Things Are Getting Dark & Twisty

I’ve gone to the dark place. I don’t exactly know how I got here, or why I’m here…but here I am. It’s a funny thing to try to explain; being in the dark place. One minute I feel just fine, but then it’s almost like in an instant I am sucked back into the darkest crevices of my mind. Simple tasks become so challenging, conversations become meaningless, my hobbies are tossed to the side, and sleep feels like a warm blanket that I just want to lay in forever.

This is what my depression feels like to me. Trying to explain to people exactly what is going on, feels as complicated as me trying to explain quantum physics (which I have no knowledge of). In fact it’s almost physically exhausting trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. Whenever someone asks “what’s wrong” and I respond with “I don’t know,” it’s not that I am being difficult or I don’t want to talk about it; I just really have no idea why I am in that mood.

I have some amazing friends who can easily spot the signs when I am in the dark place. What I need them to understand is I don’t always want to talk about it. It can be as simple as me just wanting to cry for hours; and I will, out of nowhere it seems. Often times when I say I just want to be alone, what I really want is to be around other people. But I won’t tell them that, it seems stupid and I don’t know why I don’t tell them. Sometimes I just simply need a hug, or just an “I am here for you.” It takes me time to open up and I honestly hate doing it because I feel like I am bothering them with my issues. To me I feel like I sound like I am just crying for attention, or that I am wasting their time by talking about it. I know I’m probably not and that they really want to help, but the dark place tells me otherwise.

I know I’ll get over it soon. It seems to be a trend around May when I start to reach the peak of what my depression has to offer, and then I slowly go back to being normal. I normally don’t spot the signs until I am already deep into it. It’s something that I live with every day and I can’t just “get over it,” and it has taken me years to get to this point where I can finally accept it for what it is and just try to live my life as best I can. So for now I will be in the dark place.

Thank you for understanding.

Photography Fun

I love taking days off and just spending them running around the city taking pictures. Usually I bring a friend along so they can model for me. They’re sometimes hesitant due to being “camera shy” but I coax them into doing it anyways.

My lovely friend Vanessa and I took a little trip to the Los Angeles Arboretum in Arcadia. We took a few photos of her niece for her 1st birthday, and then went on to take some more photos of just her and I. I love taking photos of her because she looks good on camera; and because she lets me boss her around. 

10 Things You Might Not Know About Me

  1. Strawberries are my favorite fruit
  2. I am a huge Potterhead
  3. New York is my favorite city that I have visited
  4. During high school, I was on the badminton team
  5. I have 2 pet pigs
  6. Hugh Grant was my MCM when I was a kid (and still is)
  7. My favorite food is Sushi
  8. I was bit on the face by a dog, on two separate occasions, requiring a total of 10 stitches
  9. For my 18th birthday, I sang “Maps” by the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs in front of my entire senior class
  10. I used to write poetry and song lyrics

Losing My Dad

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As children, we never really think about our parents dying; we think our parents are invincible and going to live forever. Some of us, unfortunately, lose a parent at very young ages. Other’s are lucky enough to have their parents in their lives until they have reached an old age. I was fortunate enough to have my dad in my life for 21 years. I was also not prepared to lose my dad 13 days after I turned 21.

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My dad and I were exactly the same; looks and personality-wise. He used to tell me, “Melis, I’m ugly and you look just like me.” I used to reply, “well at least I’m smarter.” He would always joke around with me, even going as far as to run up and fart on me. But, since we’re so much alike, we would butt heads…A LOT. My dad was a very stubborn man, and I am a very stubborn woman. We had very big tempers that would drive us to have some very big arguments.

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Of course during my teenage angsty years, I felt like anything I did just wasn’t good enough for him. I constantly felt like I was fucking up and not living up to his expectations. I rebelled and was always threatening to leave and never come back. But, now being an adult, I know he meant well and just wanted me to do good in school. He was just being a dad, and it only made sense after I became a parent. I knew my dad loved me with all his heart; I was his little girl after all.

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Losing my dad, was and has been the hardest thing I have ever lived through. It’ll be 6 years on May 13th since he left. It happened so quickly that I honestly thought he was going to pull through. Having to say goodbye broke my heart. I still have trouble accepting the fact that he is gone and never coming back. He was my rock. In my eyes, there was nothing my dad couldn’t do. I still miss him, as much as I missed him since the first day without him.

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While we were saying our goodbyes to my dad in the hospital, I whispered in his ear that it was okay to go. I promised that I would take care of my brother and my mom, and he would have nothing to worry about. I told him we would be okay. My dad was in a medically induced coma when I said this, but after I kissed him on his cheek I looked and saw a tear trickle from his eye. It broke my heart because I knew he was fighting. I knew he didn’t want to leave us. But, the damage was too much for his body to handle.IMG_6368

I think that, even after these years, I am still very angry at what happened. But I also know that certain things in my life would be very different right now. I have grown up a lot since the passing of my father. I can only hope that I continue to make him proud. I miss him like hell. But wherever he is, I know he’s making people laugh with his stupid jokes. I know he’s probably being extra loud when a Dodger game is on. And I know that he is always watching over my son. Screen Shot 2017-05-10 at 8.34.52 PM

I miss you Papa Tom 🖤